Never My Way
by dazzley
Summary: Takao Kinomiya gets a job at Burger King. Unfortunately, things just don't go his way, despite what the company slogan promises. Humor&Friendship! Blame Chibi Zia this is her fault.


Takao stands with his hands on the greasy silver burger-making counter. The buzz of busy workers rings in his ears as he stands there, awaiting an order to flash on the screen. Yuriy, the Store Manager, is running around with his headset on and barking at everyone.

Beside Takao there is a tiny Mexican man tossing some more pickles into the pickle drawer. He's muttering something in Spanish (Spanglish, really, because Takao thinks he heard the word _bastard_ in there) and grunting every so often.

Takao sighs and rubs his gloved hand against the counter, in a feeble attempt to rub out one of the mayo stains, but to no avail. It stays there mocking him with its round stain-ness. The smell of cooking meat drifts past his nose as he tosses another patty into a little plastic drawer and closes it.

Unlike what he thought it'd be like, there are actually no grills in Burger King. At all. No grills, no huge magical King, no frosty-man who spits out frosties, nothing! All his dreams have been dashed by getting a job here.

Rather than what he thought it'd be like, it's actually quite… simplistic. In a way. You have the meat in one drawer, the cheese in another, the pickles in another, and so on. You slap everything together and then toss it in a microwave for a few seconds. Then you toss it out to the person who is working the register and they toss it to the hungry customer, who then tosses it into their stomach and then they die from obesity.

A light flashes on the screen and Takao turns his head toward it. It reads, _One Whopper Jr CHZ, plain_. He stares at the order for a few seconds and then pokes his head out of the kitchen to talk to the girl behind the Register.

She's tiny and pink haired, and Takao likes her well enough, but he always forgets her name, "Hey, Maria!" "It's MAO, Takao!" she barks back at him, her yellow eyes flashing as she flings some money into the cash register. The man on the other side of the counter takes a couple of tiny steps back.

"Geez, you don't have to go crazy, Malia!"

"MAO!"

"I just wanted to make sure this order is _right_."

She rolls her eyes and turns to the computer, "A Whopper Junior with Cheese, plain! It's right. Gosh, can't you read?" He sticks his chin up with an air of annoyance, "Yeah, I can! But doesn't that make it a _plain burger_?"

Mao taps her chin with the tip of her index finger, "… huh. I guess you're right!" "I hate people," Takao mutters as he yanks his head back into the kitchen. Well, actually, he smacks his head against the soda machine as he yanks back, and all the cups go flying to the floor.

"_TAKAOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!_"

He flinches but doesn't go back to look at the damage, it'd be far too dangerous. She'd eat his head if he did, he knows, or worse… he'd have to _clean it up_. Another flash of light catches his eye and he glances at the screen. There are more orders now, more Whopper Juniors and Double Stackers. He takes a glance at the clock and gulps down a moan.

He's only been here for half an hour. Four and a half more hours to go.

He slaps the paper onto the grease covered counter and it sticks, because it is wax paper, and wax paper sticks to greasy things. He mutters a few profanities (he'd have yelled them but Yuriy would have him mopping out the toilets in a slit-second if he heard) and uses what he can of his nails to pry it up. It's not easy because he's wearing those plastic gloves that devour your hands when you put them on, but he manages to get up one of the corners and fix the wax paper.

Behind him, Yuriy is yelling at the little Mexican man. Takao doesn't really want to turn around to look because Yuriy's face gets _really_ scary when he's mad. He can be a nice guy, but his face is just something out of one of those Grimm's fairy tales.

He looks perpetually pissed, as Mao would put it. But then again, Takao thinks _she_ also looks perpetually pissed. So instead of looking at the battle between Russian and Mexican, Takao slaps the bottom bun on the paper and grabs a slab of "meat" from the plastic drawer.

He wouldn't really call it meat because it's all rubbery and … wet. And the bun absorbs all of the wetness from the meat, so everything is soggy in the end. Takao doesn't care though, as long as no one thinks it's from the water that the meat sits in.

He's supposed to "dry" the meat off with a napkin, but he doesn't, because it's a waste of time. So he just drops it on while soaking wet.

Third day on the job and he's already slacking off. Typical Takao.

Mao shouts something to the Whopper guy, and he beings to make a bunch of Whoppers. They don't trust Takao enough to let him make the Whoppers yet, much to his displeasure. The Whopper guy only has to know how to make one type of sandwich, the Whopper. The other guy (him) has to make everything else! He grumbles as he stuffs the wrapped burger into the microwave and presses the "10 seconds" button.

"What can I get for you?" Mao says, her voice suddenly lighter and far friendlier. Something is up. Takao peeks out from beneath the tiny window that connects the Kitchen and the Register, and almost chokes. It's _Rei_, of all people, ordering _Burger King_. So much for his self-proclaimed, "Healthy Diet"!

Rei grins at the pink haired girl and she grins back, far friendlier with Rei in these past three seconds than she's _ever_ been with Takao since meeting him (three days). Takao narrows his eyes and slides off so Rei doesn't see him. Takao had been boasting about getting an awesome job last week, and all of the Bladebreakers had seemed impressed, so he doesn't want to ruin it now by letting Rei see him.

Mao slams her fingers into the buttons on the register and a new order flashes up on Takao's screen, _Hamburger CHZ minus Pickles._ Takao grabs a bun and slams it on the counter, an evil idea drifting across his mind.

He glances around and then heads to the back of the room, where the door to the alleyway is. He doesn't open it, but he looks around for the bowl of food that Yuriy always leaves there.

Takao has learned that Yuriy has a fondness for cats, because there's always a bowl of cat food there. He's never actually _seen_ the cat yet, but he wants to, because cats are better company than angry little Mexican men, in his opinion.

But he doesn't have time to look for the kitty _now_; he has a burger to make. So he grabs a bit of the cat food in his fist and slides back to the counter where the burger is waiting.

Yes, he actually slides, because the floor is _that_ covered in grease. Not even his special "Non-slide shoes" help. He has to be careful lest he end up having his first kiss with the floor. Onto the burger the cat food goes! He grins as he wraps it up and sends it down the little slide. Back to the window to watch! Mao grabs the burger and tosses it onto a tray, and hands the tray to an old man. An old man who is not Rei. Because Rei is not an old man.

Takao watches this with wide eyes, and he instantly regrets his idea to add cat food to Rei's food (what he thought would be Rei's food). He knows he should call out to save the poor old man from digesting cat food, but he has only had this job for _three days_ and if he gets fired he'll be cleaning the dojo for weeks.

And he _does not like cleaning the dojo._ So he holds his silence and silently cries to himself.

"Kinomiya!" Yuriy barks and Takao jumps. "Y-Y-Yes?" he chokes out as he tries to hide his cat food stained gloves somewhere Yuriy can't see.

Luckily, Yuriy doesn't seem too interested in Takao's hands, even though Takao is doing some pretty weird things with them. Like trying to shove them down his pants.

"What did I say about wearing your hat backwards? We have a _dress code_, you're not allowed to wear it that way! Fix it!" Takao spins the hat on his head so it's facing the correct way, "Sorry, boss! Ha-ha, it's… habit!" Yuriy makes a face (one that would probably scare small children) and Takao swallows slowly. "I need someone faster on Kitchen," Yuriy continues (much to Takao's relief). Takao nods his head, "So what should I do?"

"Do you know drive-thru?" Yuriy asks, and Takao just nods his head. The truth is that he _doesn't_ but he's seen other people do it. Can't be that hard, right? Right! Yuriy tosses the headset to Takao, "Here. You're taking orders. Bryan is in the bathroom with the runs." Takao makes a face and Yuriy nods his head, "Yeah, I know."

So Takao heads over to the drive-thru and adjusts his headset, "Welcome to the BK Lounge, what can I get for you?" He laughs a little at his joke, but the person on the other end doesn't seem to get it. "BK Lounge? Does this mean you're going to be more expensive?" "….No, Miss," Takao says as patiently as he can, "It was a joke. What would you like?"

"Just a drink," she says, "Oh… I really like sprite. I'll have a coke." Takao blinks and registers what she said for a second. "O…kay," he says, "Do you want anything to eat?" "Do you have Sweet n' Sour sauce?" she asks, and Takao shrugs, "Yeah. But what do you want? Like, to put on it?" "I just want the Sweet n' Sour sauce," she says. Takao rolls his eyes and punches in the order. She drives up to the window and Takao gives her the coke and the Sweet n' Sour sauce.

"Welcome to Burger King, what can I get for you?" he says into the little microphone. It's an old man, "Hi… I'm not sure… how much do the things on the dollar menu cost? They don't have prices next to them…" Takao knows his eyebrow is twitching, because he can feel it. He suddenly knows why Bryan magically got the runs.

"… A dollar, sir," he says as he rubs his temples with his fingers.

"…. Oh! I see it now, okay."

"Really?"

"… No."

"They're all a dollar, Sir. Don't worry about it."

"Okay… I'll have a cheeseburger."

"Drive around."

Bryan stumbles into the room and stares at Takao, "Kinomiya… what're you-"

Takao doesn't even let him finish, he just shoves the headset back into Bryan's hands, "I don't know how you deal with these people all day, but… God-Speed Bryan." Bryan stares at him incredulously as he stalks out of the room with his chin in the air.

Yuriy sees him before he sees Yuriy. "Kinomiya!" the Russian barks, "I thought you were on drive-thru!" It isn't voiced as a question, so Takao knows Yuriy isn't happy. "Bryan came back," is all he says, and Yuriy peeks through the door to the drive-thru room. Once he sees that Bryan is indeed, back, he shrugs. "Fine. You're on cleaning duty then."

"_Cleaning duty!?_" Takao shrieks, so loudly that everyone literally stops what they're doing and looks up at him with wide curious eyes. Yuriy throws a large garbage bag at him (where he pulled it out from, Takao has no idea).

"Cleaning duty."

"Oh man, Yuriy, ol' pal, boss! You wouldn't really make me do something like that would you!?"

"… Someone has to do it."

"… ah, isn't that what the Mexicans are for!?"

"Don't be racist, Kinomiya."

And with that said, Yuriy leaves Takao standing there with a dumbfounded expression and a large black garbage bag in his hands. He's about to give up right there and march home, but then he realizes that this is the perfect time to find that kitty that's lurking around here somewhere.

He gets on his knees, which once on the ground he decides was a terrible idea because the grease is soaking into his pants, and brushes some wrappers and empty used cups into the garbage bag.

He does this for about an hour, but he can't find the kitty. He frowns and heads to the backdoor. He saw one of the other workers toss a garbage bag out there, so that's where he assumes they go.

Takao pushes the door open with his back because his hands are distracted with holding the garbage bag. Once he feels the breeze from outside he turns and flings the garbage bag out into the alley.

… And instantly wishes that he had thought to _tie_ the bag before flinging it into the alley.

He gasps when he sees all the cups and wrappers and _everything_ he spent the last hour getting into the bag fly out. But he's not going to clean _that_ up. Out of the corner of his eye he notices a figure shifting around in the other garbage bags. Because he's done something dumb, he instantly thinks its Yuriy.

"Don't kill me!" he screams as he falls back and onto the floor. But the person who is looking down at him now isn't Yuriy. It's-

"Kai!?" Takao gasps, completely caught off guard and _shocked_. Kai lifts a brow and looks down at Takao, "Better clean that up." With that Kai bends down and picks up the bowl of cat food, and walks out and into the alley again. He makes sure to close the door behind him too.

If Takao could get anymore shocked and horrified, he would.

"… So _KAI_ is the cat?"

He remains there on the floor for a while, just in shock, until a shadow blocks the light. "HEY! Don't be lazy, Takao! You're lucky you even got this job in the _first place_!"

Mao frowns and rests her hands on her hips, "I want to go on my break! Rei is waiting for me, so hurry up and get to the register and _cover_ it! I know you know how to use it. And remember, if you take any money, _you go to jail_."

She stalks off and leaves him there, but after a few seconds he gets up and makes his way to the registers. Yuriy's is marking off the day's profits so he doesn't even acknowledge Takao's presence, which is good, because that means he hasn't seen the alley. The alley that Takao did not clean. The alley that Takao did not clean and isn't planning on cleaning.

He'll let the stray cats have that stuff. … And Kai.

He shudders and pounds his head against the counter.

"My life sucks. My life sucks. My life really sucks."

"Just figuring that out?" Yuriy says blandly, without thought. Takao shoots him a glare but doesn't even bother to think of a retort, like _yeah well your cat is KAI._ But he just can't.

"Welcome to Burger King, my life suuuuucks."


End file.
